The Misadventures of Schwarz Part 1
by Himizu1
Summary: This... Is the worst fic I've writtin so far... Major writer's block... But anyway, this is about Schu. Schu and his...umm.... Feminine problem (and it's not THAT! Jeez, you perverts!)


The Misadventures of Schwarz Part 1: Schuldig's Feminine Problem  
  
This story is about Schuldig. Schuldig and his feminine problem. Not PMS type of problem, another problem. Oh, if you've read The Misadventures of Weiß in order, you'll notice that Yohji's is.much duller than the others. This is probably going to be dull too. I'm having writer's block.Writing a fanfic meant to be funny is not a good idea to do when you're wide-awake. *** When Schuldig woke up from his usual 12 hours of sleeping (I have no clue how he gets that much sleep while being an assassin, so don't ask), he rubbed his eyes. He sighed happily, and rolled around in his silky sheets on his bed. He looked at his walls, which were covered in pictures of Brad (sexy, sexy), and one small picture of Hikaru Midorikawa (youch!). He grinned and continued rolling around in his silk sheets. After a few hours (again.no clue where he gets all of this time from), he stood up and looked in the mirror. "Oooh, you are one sex machine," he said, blowing kisses at his reflection. He started getting off, and started feeling himself up and stopped when he tried feeling his nipples, which were of course, pierced. He looked sadly in the mirror. "Why can't I stop?" he cried, as if expecting an answer. No one answered. He looked down in disgust. "The feeling I get when I do this." he said sadly. "It's almost ecstasy!" Now you may be wondering what he's talking about. I'm still wondering myself what he's talking about (yea.I come up with the name of the story before anything else.real genius idea there, eh?) But just wait, I'll come up with something. I'll also shut up now! "Would you?!" Schu asked, annoyed. "This is about me, not you're writer's block!" The author threatened to erase Schu from the story line. He shut up, knowing he'd lost to the much more superior rival of his. "I don't think I can stop this." he started. "But I have to! I can't keep living this lie!" He ran his fingers along the stretchy strap going over his shoulder (kinky, kinky). "But it feels so good!" he exclaimed. He broke down, clawing the silk bra and panty set that matched his bed set. "I'll do it!" he exclaimed. He unhooked the bra and threw it down. He looked to the ground. "They'll know when I'm cold if I don't have any padding.And what about support!" he complained. He almost changed his mind, but he set himself to it. He dressed, and although he felt a little awkward (that word always looks funny to me), he continued and walked out doors. He breathed in, still uncomfortable with the freedom he was feeling. He kept on walking. He went by a guy looking at an ice cream cone, then another with a large stain in his pants. He stared at this person for a moment, but continued, seeing a boy eating a pickle. Then while he was in an unusually large group of people, he saw an unsexy guy holding frames to a pair of glasses. He was doing okay until he walked by a Victoria's Secret. I don't know if they have Victoria's secret stores in Japan, but for the time being, we'll say they do. Schu gasped. "A.A. WATER BRA!!!" he exclaimed. He ran into the store and bought the smallest one he could find (seeing as how he's a guy, he doesn't need that much support), claiming to the clerk it was for his sister. When he left the store, he ran into someone holding a batch of cookies. "Oh, darn," Farfello said, catching a few before they fell to the ground. "Oh, I'm sorry Farf," Schu said, guiltily. "What's wrong?" Farf asked suspiciously. "Nothing!" Schu said, a little too fast. "You bought that bra for yourself, didn't you?" Farf accused. "." Schu was silent a moment. "You know about my problem?" "Yes," Farf said, offering Schu a cookie. He frowned a little when he refused. "Sad story, it is. Very sad. But I know what you're going through." "You've been through this too?" Schu asked, helplessly. "No," Farf replied, laughing. "Then how.?" Schu asked, with a puzzled look on his face. "Last week," Farf started. "You told me about it then, before you stopped the first time." "Oh," Schu said sadly. "What did I do to stop?! Is there hope for me?" "Well," Farf started," "I think you bought wife beaters, you know, those white tank top-type shirts?" "Oh yea! Thanks for your advice!" "No problem!" Farf said, and tried forcing a cookie into Schu's hand. When he refused again, Farf threw the remaining cookies on the ground and stomped off. Schu sighed and walked into a wife beater store, that for some odd reason was having its grand opening that day. He bought a few and left his bra at the entrance to the store. "Farewell," he said softly. When he got home, he slipped into the wife beater and took his pants off (sexy, sexy) and fell asleep in his underwear. * When he woke up, he felt refreshed. He rolled around in his silk bed set, having the thought of satisfaction of getting over his fetish of girls underwear. He froze. At the thought of underwear, he gasped. He couldn't have. There was no way possible that he could have forgotten. He worked so hard! He looked down, afraid of what he would see. He cried out as he noticed his fatal mistake. In his frantic acts (both the first and second time) about the bra, he forgot one thing. To stop wearing girls' panties.  
  
*** Wooo! Wasn't that fun? *crickets chirping* Ok. Yea, that one was dull (worse than my Yohji one!) but my Nagi one is coming up next (as soon as I transfer it from notebook to my computer) and it starts picking up a little. So, yea. Thank you to the whole 2 or 3 people that read my stuff!!! Wooo!!!! Sorry about that. Little hyper. About to eat. Yea, well I'm hungry, so bye!!!! 


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